Hollywood is lousy with animal-attack movies these days. Between Cocaine Bear and The Meg 2: The Trench, big-budget, CGI spectacles in which a collection of ones and zeroes terrorizes innocent beachgoers and campers have lost some of their luster. “Where are the puppets?” we scream at the heavens. Well, they’re at college. Enter Slotherhouse, a cheapie slasher movie about a killer sloth. While the title screams of Asylum Pictures mockbusters, there’s a distinct charm in watching this slow-moving mammal drive around in a little car—at least more magic than watching another overblown cartoon character wreak havoc.
Assuming it needs or has one, the movie’s plot revolves around a college student named Emily (Lisa Ambalavanar) who falls in love with a viral sloth and believes it can help her win her sorority’s presidential election. Hence, she buys the creature from an exotic sloth dealer. Unfortunately, as the trailer says, “In the jungle, she’s a beta, but here, she’s an alpha.”
As expected, Alpha the sloth isn’t your typical sloth. This thing can kill sorority girls and use the internet. Yeah, this sloth is online. Of course, the sloth needs to be crafty because, as we all know, they move painfully slowly. However, Alpha can infiltrate the sorority and sate her bloodlust thanks to her razor-sharp claws and cute, unassuming demeanor. Frankly, it looks like a whole lot of dumb fun, and maybe it will be.
No, this isn’t Beast. This is something far dumber and far more self-aware. Slotherhouse has some of that meme-able charm of M3gan as well as the PG-13 rating. Maybe that means it won’t be that bloody, but at least there will be a sloth puppet to distract us. I mean, look at that thing in the car!
Slotherhouse hits theaters on August 30.